I say this every week, I know, but… How could I capture this last week with mere words?! The revelation God gives us is so much more than words, it’s a change and a shift and an earthquake in our hearts that’s hard to explain.
I’ve found I can’t write these updates without my journals and notebooks with me to remind me of all the big and little things that happened throughout. Each week is absolutely packed tight with so many things - new experiences, new friends (every week, it never fails!), new emotions, new teaching, new growth, new plans, new opportunities to change old habits, new delights, new challenges… In short, SO MUCH to process. New things take time to take hold, time to sink in. Never before has my brain felt so crammed with thoughts and emotions and confusion and understanding and curiosity and exhaustion…
*deep inhale*
Oh my friends.
This week was so good.
The topic was The Father-Heart of God.
I was so stoked for this topic because God has been speaking to me consistently about being His daughter ever since I arrived, and I knew that breakthrough would happen this week.
Or, I hoped it would.
Our speaker was amazing; a unflappable Hawaiian who, true to culture, was never in a hurry, always ready to deal with the difficult subjects and stories that came up with grace, kindness, and wisdom. I think he allowed us all to breathe a sigh of relief after the intensity of our teacher from the previous week. As he began to teach, the classroom became a safe place where healing happened as we slogged through heartache.
I was so ready for the breakthrough, the revelation that would change it all for me, to finally be able to feel and understand Gods love in a way that would completely transform the way I live my life.
Tuesday nights are a time of relatively unstructured, Holy Spirit-led worship. It’s optional; no one is required to come and participate, but this week I determined I would go. I was tired and not in the mood, but I went.
And I learned that God does not follow my ideas of how He’s ‘supposed’ to work.
As people around me cried and danced and bowed down and sang and spoke in tongues and were slain in the spirit (not gonna lie, I was a bit jealous - I wanted a nap haha) and generally experienced the Holy Spirit in their own individual ways, I sat on the floor, with my eyes closed, quiet, for almost the whole two hours we were worshiping.
I love to worship. I love to sing. Few places are more sacred or special to me than spaces of worship.
But that night I sat still, the music and the noise fading in and out as I tried to listen, tried to hear, tried to connect.
I thought I wasn’t getting the revelation I wanted so badly. Several people came over spontaneously to pray for me, and I kept thinking I would get my breakthrough then, like a dam breaking, that truth would flood my heart and, I don’t know, I’d start glowing in the dark or something?
Like I said, God did not follow my plan, my idea of what His transformation of my heart should look like.
I got my breakthrough. But like with Elijah in the wilderness, it wasn’t in an emotional breakdown, an earthquake, lots of tears, rolling thunder, or shouts of joy… it was in the still, small whisper in my heart.
God spoke to me about what it means to be loved by Him, to be His daughter, to know Him as He is, not the version of Him I’ve come to ‘know’ through years of believing that He is a God reached by shame-based legalism.
When God speaks, it’s not just words. When He speaks, the earth moves and things change. He went deep into the foundations of my heart and the cornerstones of my soul and forged truth as the lies burned up.
I’m so, SO grateful.
This week was wonderful in other ways, too. We got to find out our confirmed outreach teams and locations! I will be going to Colombia with an awesome team and I’m SO EXCITED!! When I prayed about whether it should be México or Colombia, God was very clear - “I am putting Colombia in your hands.” I’m so grateful for His guidance and I can’t wait to see what He’s going to do! I am still fundraising for outreach fees and I would be so grateful if you would pray and consider partnering with me in that way!
Praises:
Another amazing week of classes, growth, and amazingness; it just keeps getting BETTER which is AWESOME!!
Our outreach teams are CONFIRMED which is so exciting!!
I feel more adjusted to the sleep schedule (and schedule in general), the climate, the food, etc which is making life a lot simpler! Yay!
God has provided some AMAZING and absolutely wonderful friendships that have filled me and blessed me so much, I am so grateful!
Our WHOLE CLASS was provided for financially for lecture phase fees, thank you Jesus!!
Requests:
My finger is still sprained and hurting. :( please pray for complete healing and restoration for the first knuckle of my right ring finger.
Continued (and improved!!) time and emotional management as I attempt to process everything well and stay mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy and filled!
Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and openness to everything He wants to teach me!
Wisdom and insight for our leaders as they continue to plan for outreach; it’s not an easy job!
Unity for our outreach teams as we prepare
Financial provision for outreach costs
Thank you so much!! Big love big hugs!!
-Em
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